Jack and Jill (2011)

[Before film] It’s been a long time since I did the review-while-watching, so I decided I would do it again with what is arguably my single most dreaded film of 2011 (probably after the day when I get old enough to succumb to Bucky Larson: Born to be a Star, but that’s neither here nor there), Jack and Jill. My iTunes download is coming in as I write this. It is 11:16 PM. Pray for me. [30 seconds in] Wow. Even the Happy Madison logo brings back painful memories of Happy Gilmore. And the entire logo of that “company” is just trashy. This is gonna be a long review. [2:58] Oh God protect me. We’ve gotten into the baby fart jokes and butts that were enhanced by CG. Why? [5:05] *Sigh* [5:32] There was actually a funny joke in this film, but it was so anti-Semitic I feel guilty. [6:34] Are you there God? It’s me, Davey. Could you do me a favor and wipe the image of Adam Sandler in drag from my memory, and while you’re at it, just hit him with a lightning bolt or something? [7:40] There is a bird. Named Poopsy. [8:17] Why is a little Amish girl doing karate? And why is this family so racially unbalanced? [9:50] They just knocked out two different product placements in one sentence. Awesome. [11:21] That’s it. I’m not gonna be typing more for a while. It just hurts too much. [16:14] This is one of the most painful experiences I’ve had this year. I quit for tonight. [1:16:05] Yep. Al Pacino is singing.

Well, I bailed on my attempt to speak while watching, because it was just too much. So now I have finished Jack and Jill, and I pray to you, as a decent human being, to wipe this movie from my memory. I actually counted the decent jokes or just good parts in the film. There were nine funny joke in the film (only in very small chuckles), and one mildly touching moment, so that makes ten moments I didn’t want to strangle myself. The movie is 90 minutes long, so once every nine minutes, something decent happens. That’s not a very good record. Now let’s try to get into the “story” of a film of this caliber. Adam Sandler stars as Jack, an advertising worker who every year, dreads the coming of his twin sister Jill (also…played by Adam Sandler), who is basically a giant obnoxious ball of annoyance. That Jill is an entirely unlikable and dreadful character seems to be the one thing Adam Sandler and I agree on, because there is nothing here to give me any sympathy for anybody here, especially Al Pacino, who somehow was blackmailed or something into this movie, and even though he has most of the few funny lines in this movie (after Jill breaks his Oscar-“Well, you probably have others, right?” “You would think, but, no.”). But Al Pacino is in an Adam Sandler film. The Mayans were right.

In the end, Jack and Jill is such a painfully unfunny film that begs you to hate it, because it has to be intentional in its terribleness, because this is the guy who made The Wedding Singer, a really funny comedy. Adam Sandler has to just be trolling all of us at this point.
1/10