Twilight: Breaking Dawn-Part 1

I’m no stranger to the Twilight series, I’m ashamed to admit. I’m also ashamed to admit that these movies keep making more and more money every second of every day, and watching The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn-Part 1, I think I know why-teenage girls (and their creepy mothers) do not recognize how a romance actually works, so they have to flock to these rehashed studio trash. I honestly believe that anybody who enjoyed a Twilight film, specifically New Moon or Breaking Dawn-Part 1 (the first one isn’t terrible, and I hear the third one isn’t either), needs to be put to repeated viewings of (500) Days of Summer and the original Dracula over and over again until they recognize both romance and vampires for their true form (and it also helps if they stop watching The CW-The Vampire Diaries is just as much to blame). I know I sound hypocritical here, but I didn’t watch this movie to enjoy it, I watched it to prevent you from having to.

Based off of the final book in Stephanie Meyer’s quadrilogy, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn-Part 1 again stars the emotionless Kristen Stewart as Bella Swan, a human, as she is in the process of marrying Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson), a vampire, much to the disdain of Jacob Black (Taylor Lautner), a werewolf. Now, with a human, a vampire, and a werewolf, this movie should have been more interesting, right? NOPE! Even with these fantastical creatures, we’re stuck with a bogged down romance that lasts too long and is just to dang dull. Because no matter what angle you take on it (personally, I hate this abomination, but recently I’ve been trying to be more professional in my reviews), this movie is just boring. People walk around for hours, and do nothing.

All the events of this film could be condensed to a (still boring, mind you) twenty-minute period, and Breaking Dawn could just be one glob of terrible instead of two. Now, some people could have the argument “but Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows was two parts, and the first part was slow, so why bag on Twilight? (I’m doing this in a very annoying voice in my head)” Because, dumb little teenager (wow, we’re getting into real hypocrisy here), the seventh Harry Potter book was over 700 brilliant pages long, and from what little I know, Breaking Dawn has about 400 empty ones. Now, I could go into how lame the direction is, how bad the acting is, or how laughable the dialogue is, but instead of ranting on and on, but let me just say these few things-1. This is not the worst movie. Still, New Moon is, but this is definitely second. 2. Nobody learned a thing making these movies, everything is just as bad as before. 3. When the two lines Anna Kendrick say are the few moments of joy I have watching your movie, you’ve messed up. 4. But, because this is part 1 of the last book, that means ONLY ONE MORE TWILIGHT FILM! WOO! As Monty Python once said-“Always look on the bright side of life!”
2/10