Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace (1999)

When this movie first came out in 1999, I was a year old. I have no recollection of any theater experience of a Star Wars film before seeing my first PG-13 movie, Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith. But, despite that, I am a huge Star Wars nerd. I have seen all six movies (except for Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones, which I think I have only seen once, because it’s really not a good movie at all, the only truly bad Star Wars film) many times, and love most of them very much. Star Wars, re-titled Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope, and Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back are the two best, then Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi and Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith are both very wonderful and fun films, and then there were two. Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace, easily my second-least-favorite of the Star Wars films, can be argued to be the single most hated film of all time. Released in May 1999 to waiting crowds of desperate nerds, they all were disappointed with the fact that most of this movie is really, really, boring. Nothing really happens in this film, and when you have a film that even Liam Neeson can’t save, you have a bad film. Starting off the story to tell how the chosen one, Anakin Skywalker, got to where he is in the original trilogy. While on a mission to establish peace to the universe, Jedis Qui-Gon Jinn (Liam Neeson) and Obi-Wan Kenobi (Ewan McGregor) come across Queen Amidala (Natalie Portman) and a young Anakin (the terrible, emotionless, and hated Jake Lloyd) as they try to stop the Sith, or the enemy of the Jedi. While the film does sound intresting in concept, a space opera with light saber battles and intergalactic war, the movie is increasingly boring. I nearly found myself going through $7.50 in drinks at the movie theater, getting up to keep from sleep and when I could no longer stand it. The most horrible thing about Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace. If any of you hate me ranting (and I know you’re out there), I suggest you run now. Shut your computer and run. It’s ranting time. Jar Jar Binks. Jar Jar Binks. The most evil creature on the planet is Jar Jar Binks, the worst creation on the planet. I just figured it’d be easier to have the caps lock button on my computer at this point. GEORGE LUCAS I HOPE YOU ARE HIT BY A BUS! THIS MOVIE WASN’T FOR KIDS, IT’S FOR PEOPLE WHO WERE KIDS WHEN THEY SAW YOUR GOOD MOVIES! THIS EXCUSE FOR CRAP COMIC RELIEF SICKENS ME AND EVERY OTHER SENSIBLE CREATURE ON THE PLANET! THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO EVEN LIKE JAR JAR ARE THE STUPID, THE VERY STUPID, THE NAUSEATINGLY NAÏVE, OR THE VERY VERY YOUNG! YOU SUCK AS A PERSON, AND THIS IS THE WORST THING ANYONE HAS EVER DONE! YOU ARE A DISGRACE TO FILMMAKING, A DISGRACE TO HUMANITY, AND A DISGRACE TO HUMAN CONCIOUSNESS! YOU MADE ONE OF THE WORST THINGS EVER, AND THEN BLAME US FOR OVERREACTING? AND THEN YOU QUIT BLOCKBUSTERS? You. Quit. Blockbusters? NO! YOU’RE STUCK WITH THESE HATED FILMS THAT EVERYBODY WILL HATE YOU FOR GEORGE, AND DON’T TRY TO CHICKEN OUT OR BLAME IT ON US. FACE YOUR CREATIONS, AND THEN…I’m gonna be calm now. –then either make good movies or no movies at all. You used to make good movies George. What the heck happened? Seriously. What the heck happened here? Now, the movie does have some good scenes in it. But it’s hyper-long length, it’s boring storyline, it’s lack of respect to the Star Wars universe and fanbase, and Jar Jar, this movie just fails(also, seeing this in theaters for the 3-D version, I have to say-the 3-D in this movie is terrible. It adds nothing, so don’t go for the extra trip even if just for 3-D.It’s not worth it).
5/10