Abduction (2011)

Abduction’s biggest problem is that it’s just incompetently made, not that it’s terrible. A lot of people have been bashing this movie, it even has a 4% on Rotten Tomatoes. Everyone says that this is the worst movie, that it is terrible, and that it needs to be burned at the stake (I’m sort of paraphrasing), but it’s really not. It’s just an incompetent “action” “film” that doesn’t deserve any more attention than a really small indie film would get. Actually, there are some great indie films this year (Another Earth in particular) that need to trade places with Abduction on America’s attention-meter, but that’s for another day. Starring teen heartthrob and brick-wall actor Taylor Lautner, this movie really deserved nothing more than a direct to video release. Nathan Harper (Lautner) has the perfect life. He’s a scumbag, he lives a super rich scumbag life, and he has a bunch of scumbag friends. I hate to say it-he’s living the American dream. But while he is doing a school project with fellow schoolmate Karen Murphy (Lily Collins, who was only cast in this movie because she is one of the five actors on the planet worse than Lautner) about missing children, he sees a young picture of him on it, and before he can get any answers, two men come by and assassinate who he finds out are not his real parents. And there are along with it, a bunch of really confusing and annoying plotlines that make not a single lick of sense. The action plot that is basing this movie along is one that is so tedious and annoying I wanted to scream. Because also along for the ride are Alfred Molina (what happened?), Michael Nyqvist (What seriously happened?) and Sigourney Weaver (No. Ripley is better than this. Not Dr. Octopus or Michael Blomkvist, but Ripley is better than this.), who really serve no purpose other than them trying to give weight to this super-convoluted storyline, to where I had no idea what was going on-it is probably the single most boring and dull movie to make no sense when too much stuff is happening, but it’s all too much boring for one movie! This movie is just hit in the uncanny valley of mediocre, between convoluted and confusing and completely dull. I really don’t know how to describe this film, and I know that right now I’m not doing a great job of it. I would say for you to watch it to believe it, but it’s just a time-eater. This movie has no purpose other than to eat two hours from every sad sap who watches it. I really do not recommend Abduction, because it really didn’t need to have the light of day in the first place.
3/10