Witless Protection (2008)

AAAHAHHAHAHAHHAH! You wanna know how I got these scars? Well, I saw a Larry the Cable Guy movie, and…it hurts so badly…it hurts so badly…on the inside I’m crying a river…it’s such a terrible movie…help me…Okay, now let’s let the bashing begin. Witless Protection is a movie starring America’s dumbest human being, Larry the Cable Guy, who is responsible for the only bad PIXAR movies, Cars and Cars 2. Well, there really are no bad PIXAR movies, just bad on the scale of brilliance, which PIXAR used to hold the top spot in-never mind. This movie is probably the dumbest film I have ever had the displeasure of having to sit through. Seriously, it took me three tries to sit through this heaping pile of-just-AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! This movie makes me so angry that I have to sit through it, that some idiots out there paid to go see it, that some crazy demented human being laughed at this sad man’s walking around like a stupid fool! Ah. Now let me try to decipher the “plot” of this “film”. Larry is playing a small-town sheriff who kidnaps a woman who he stupidly thinks is being kidnapped, and he tried to save her, and…AAAAAAHHHHHH! This movie is just so stupid, and so dumb, it makes me angry! I wrote more clever jokes than this when I was THREE YEARS OLD! There is just so much wrong with this film. The jokes reek with disdain, the acting, writing, directing, is just absolutely atrocious and is an insult to the film industry. Seriously, why are there people out there with wonderful scripts and intelligent indie films waiting for their big break when this buffoon is running the silver screen? Larry the Cable Guy, I hope you are hit by a bus.
0/10