Priest (2011)

It is not gonna surprise me if when Razzie nominations come out for this year, Priest is gonna be covering the list greatly. Not that it’s the worst movie of the year; the Razzies have never really talked about the worst films. Last year, The Last Airbender was awarded ‘Worst Picture’ while Standing Ovation wasn’t even nominated. The Razzies just aren’t that great of an awards ceremony. But Priest is definitely gonna get a couple nods in there, if not a win or two. But don’t get me wrong, this is a terrible film. And I honestly hope that it ends up on my bottom 10 list for 2011 (no matter what I say, it’s always better to watch a good film than to watch a bad one), but it probably won’t. But it might-we are having what is probably the best year for film dorks since around 2007 (I know, I know. We got Bratz, Daddy Day Camp, and Epic Movie, but we did get Juno and Persepolis). This year, I still have The Smurfs, Zookeeper, Apollo 18, Shark Night 3D, Spy Kids-All The Time in the World, Seven Days in Utopia, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn-Part 1, Arthur, Something Borrowed, Judy Moody and the NOT Bummer Summer, Columbiana, Dream House, Johnny English Reborn, Puss in Boots, Jack and Jill, New Year’s Eve, Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chip-Wrecked…maybe I was wrong about this being a good year. Either way, Priest is a decently terrible film. The movie’s plot concerns a priest (played by Paul Bettany) who, after his niece is kidnapped by vampire-maggots, goes out to fight them and get her back. And that is basically it. The movie is a western-inspired sci-fi action horror, and fails on just about every single level. The western influences are all the bad parts of westerns, specifically the giant scenes where they journey that take sooooooooo long. The science fiction doesn’t really work. For most of the film, it doesn’t feel like a sci-fi flick at all. And the horror? There was not a moment in the film where I was scared. Not a moment I was even interested, except for the action scenes. And the action scenes are kind of cool at times. But only some times. But those few moments of things being cool can’t make up for a terrible performance by Paul Bettany and astoundingly awful direction by Scott Stewart (Stewart and Bettany teamed up last year for another religion-hating ‘horror’ flick, Legion, which I thankfully was not forced to see). So yeah, this movie is terrible. Do not go see Priest.
2/10