The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009)

You know how I didn’t like Twilight? You know how, even though it wasn’t as bad as I thought, it was still terrible? Yeah. Twilight is Citizen Kane next to this. Here, we have a movie so utterly terrible that I just lose it. It’s boring, lazy, and it doesn’t make any sense. The movie MAKES NO SENSE! There is more than one point in this movie where I was yelling at the screen. I don’t usually yell at movies, it makes me look like a crazy person. There is a scene in the movie where Anna Kendrick is completely ragging on zombie films (which I love like there is no tomorrow). I was screaming at the television. I looked like a madman, but I didn’t care. I just wanted the movie to hear me. Wow. I sound like a crazy person right now. That’s not good. This movie makes people go crazy. It makes no sense. Well, I need to end my rant and start pouring some legitimate information about why this movie is terrible. For starters, it’s boring. This movie is filled with long shots of moping teenagers just staring. They’re sad, we get it. Can we actually have something decent here? Nope. The movie’s plot concerns Edward (Robert Pattinson), a vampire, who is in a romance with Bella (Kristen Stewart), a human. Edward leaves Bella so she can be safe, and then she falls for Jacob (Taylor Lautner), who happens to be a WEREWOLF. Talk about bad luck. But either way, somehow she still is being tracked by vampires, and then they want to kill her, and somehow Romeo and Juliet gets involved with it. It makes me sad that anything by William Shakespeare is used on trash like this. This movie is trash. The acting is awful, the screenplay is atrocious, and the direction is even worse than the first. Just about everything in this film is terrible. This movie is terrible.
1.5/10