Happy Gilmore (1996)

WARNING-If you are a fan of the 1996 Adam Sandler “comedy” Happy Gilmore, I suggest that you stop reading right now, and go read my review of an Adam Sandler movie that I liked, say, Billy Madison. Okay, now that I’ve gotten that out of the way, let’s talk about Happy Gilmore. This movie is terrible. It is a beautiful little slice of garbage from the mind of Adam Sandler. And why do I proclaim that this movie is trash? Because it is slimy, unfunny, dumpster-ridden trash. This is how bad of a comedy this is-had it been just slightly more serious, and a bit more sentimental, this movie could have been the greatest golf drama of all time. Out of a movie that is about an hour and a half long, there are about seven times that I counted attempts for jokes. Out of these seven, about three made me chuckle. And these were all pity chuckles for Adam Sandler. Because I like Adam Sandler. I really do. When I saw Billy Madison I was laughing decently hard. I find The Wedding Singer to be one of the best romantic comedies I have seen in a good while. Granted, I saw it for the first time around two months ago, but either way, it’s still pretty sweet and very hilarious. In here, neither of those happen here. It is cruel, evil, malicious, and worst of all, bland. The movie follows aspiring hockey player I-don’t-care-what-his-name-is (played by Adam Sandler) who, when his grandmother’s house has to be foreclosed since she doesn’t pay her taxes, goes to golfing in order to raise the money to buy the house back. But he’s unorthodox, and he’s really good at it. But he has anger issues, AND I DON’T CARE! I JUST DO NOT CARE! For short, we have this-guy with anger issues and unorthodox ways who is really good at golf. And he yells at the ball a couple times. Isn’t that funny? Yes it is. It was funny. It was one of the three chuckles I had in this movie. BECAUSE THE MOVIE DOESN’T EVEN TRY! IT DOESN’T EVEN TRY! And that, my friends, is why Happy Gilmore is the worst of the worst. Davey out.
1/10