The Dilemma (2011)

Okay, maybe there is a problem with me. There are movies that tons of people love and laugh at and think are hilarious, but I think are completely unfunny messes. Happy Gilmore, Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby, Just Go With It, Epic Movie, Meet the Spartans, Date Movie, Leap Year, Paul Blart: Mall Cop, Old Dogs…to name a few. And now added to the list is The Dilemma. Now, all of the movies I have mentioned here, except for Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby, all have rotten ratings on Rotten Tomatoes. But a lot of people that I know love them all. Ones that usually I don’t treat with high respect when it comes to film discussion (I bet that ¾ of them have no idea what Citizen Kane is), but still people none the less. My problem with all of these films, including The Dilemma, is that they’re not funny. They don’t have jokes that make me laugh. Some of them don’t even have jokes at all. Here, we have one of those films. It is lazy, uninspired, and I can obviously tell was invented for the sole purpose of getting a paycheck, not for trying to make people laugh. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why I hate this movie. I hate this movie so much. Well, for starters, I hate most of the people involved with this film. I did use to like Vince Vaughn. I really did. I thought he was great in Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story. And even though I really didn’t care that much for Mr. and Mrs. Smith, I still enjoyed it, and thought that he was very charismatic in that role. And he was also a small part in Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy, and I love that movie to death. And then a little movie came along called Fred Claus. And then there was Couples Retreat, Four Christmases, and now, The Dilemma. So his downfall makes me mad. And beside Vince is Kevin James. And I hate him. I hate him, I hate him, I hate him. I hate Paul Blart: Mall Cop, I hate what I’ve seen of The King of Queens, and I haven’t seen Zookeeper, and I only will on one of my bad movie runs. And Chaning Tatum. He has the acting range of a stick figure. Actually, when I was 8, I drew comics with stick figures, and they had better acting depth than Tatum. And now I’m gonna rant about the crew. I have always said that the screenplay is the single most important part of making a movie. And here, the script is helmed by Allan Loeb, who co-wrote 21 and Just Go With It. I hate Allen Loeb. The script for 21 was weak, even though I liked the film, and Just Go With It, even though I was kinder than most critics, I still have it on my bottom 10 for 2011 list (which I currently update for every terrible film I watch). So yeah, I hate Allen Loeb. The only person that worked on the film that I don’t hate is Ron Howard, the director. And the only reason I don’t hate him right now is because he directed one of my favorite movies, Apollo 13. But even the great Ron Howard can’t save this garbage. But, I would have to say that my biggest problem with The Dilemma is that it could have been something better. The film has a good premise that would work great for a comedy-drama if it had a good script. The premise concerns a man (Vince Vaughn), who, as he is trying to find out a way to propose to his girlfriend, finds his best friend’s (Kevin James) wife cheating on him with a thug (Channing Tatum). Now wouldn’t that be kind of cool? It could make for a really good morality film that would be clever, insightful, and funny. But instead we have The Dilemma. Don’t see this movie. Please.
2/10