Old Dogs (2009)

I watch a lot of movies. I mean, a LOT of movies. I watch a lot of movies for a fully-grown adult, let alone a thirteen-year-old dork. And even bringing all those films into account, I have to say-this was possibly one of the most painful experiences I’ve had in a good while. This film is a giant mess of bad jokes with these two actors that were once respected, and is terrible. I hate this movie. And I know that ‘hate’ is a strong word. Not strong enough for this movie. I cannot encompass my hate for this movie. The two actors that were once respected that I speak of are Robin Williams and John Travolta, who have both fallen into obscurity. Actually, they’re not obscure. They just make a lot of bad movies now. Either way, these two idiots find themselves in a predicament when Robin William’s character finds out that his Vegas fling from seven years ago resulted in two children. And when the mother has to go to prison for trespassing, he has to take care of the children. And then goes the traditional kiddie movie formula. Awkward, happy, sad, really happy. All of the formulaic kiddie films, heck, most comedies and romance films have that formula too. And that is why I respect the ones that go off the formula. Either way, this sticks to the blandest of the formulas, and doesn’t even have clever jokes to back it up. I’ve seen movies that go on with the formula, but are still funny enough to redeem themselves. Not here. This movie is just not funny. The entire film I was just angry. The comedy wasn’t funny, the characters weren’t charismatic, the film wasn’t good. Also, the dramatic parts of the film are decently awful. Williams and Travolta are both terrible here. There is a bit here where the two mix up pills, and the side effects make them mess up a huge business deal. And by that, I mean that they use five minutes to hit the Japanese below the waist with golf equipment. Now, isn’t that just genius filmmaking? However, there is one bit in the film where I was laughing. Justin Long has a cameo in here, and during the entire five minutes he was on screen, I was actually cracking up. I felt terrible at laughing at this movie, but I cannot deny that I did. But the rest of the time, I was just mad. This movie made me mad. Of course, I’ve seen worse movies, but this is easily one of the worst out of ’09. This movie is just bad. I do not like it. Do not see it. I’m being frank and angry, solely because I’m watching Red Riding Hood as I write this. Just…don’t see this. Simple as that.
1/10