Gnomeo and Juliet (2011)

Honestly, the title is one of the worst things about this film. It is actually pretty clever. I did enjoy it so much more than I thought I would. But it is perfect? No, not at all. There were a few moments in the film where I was groaning, out loud. My groans could be heard in the other room, the film was so groan-inducing. But luckily, that only happened once or twice. And on the exact other end of the spectrum, there were a few moments in the film where I actually had some good, hard laughs. Those moments really make the film. They bring a sense of joy to a film that is kind of bland at times. And when the film isn’t groan-inducing or gut-bustlingly funny, it only has two other cards to play-a nice and charming take on one of the greatest stories of all time, and a really dull take on one of the greatest stories of all time. The film balances the good and the bad out 50/50. The film is a take on the classic story Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare, but where the two main families are gnomes, owned by these two neighbors (in the houses 2B for one and 2B with the number crossed out for the other-2B and not 2B…get it? Get it?) that hate each other so much that their hate has transferred into their garden gnomes. You know the joke I mentioned earlier? The film is filled with those. Some of them hit the nail right on the head, and some are so clichéd or dull it made me want to scream. But, don’t get me wrong, I did enjoy this film. I thought it was a fun little kiddie flick. It really wasn’t the perfect film for me, but I do know a lot of people that love it (when I saw it on DVD with my little brother [him seeing it for the 2nd time], he was laughing like there was no tomorrow). If you have a young child or are a young child or know a young child, there are much worse things you could do than see Gnomeo and Juliet *cough*Hop*couch*. NOTE: The film is produced by Elton John, and the film is filled with Elton John songs, even when they don’t belong. I love Crocodile Rock, but dang. Songs belong where they belong. And here, they did not.
7.5/10

The Proposal (2009)

What’s so great about The Proposal is…actually, there really isn’t anything great about The Proposal. What I find great about The Proposal is that it isn’t terrible. What makes a romantic comedy bad is when it becomes clichéd and repulsive. What makes a romantic comedy mediocre is when the clichés still reside, but the film does have some decent jokes it throws in. What makes a romantic comedy good is when it puts the romance on the backburner, it still being prominent, but being second-in-command to some actually funny jokes. And The Proposal is the perfect example of the third one. In the film, a Canadian woman named Margaret Tate (Sandra Bullock), who is the editor in chief of a book publishing company, finds out she is getting deported. So she has a problem. And her answer to that problem is found in Andrew Paxton (Ryan Reynolds), her assistant. Margaret gets Andrew to pretend to be her fiancée so that she can legally stay in the country, and the plan is when she gets everything figured out, she divorces him. This sounds like the perfect plan, right? Actually, no. If there’s a plan where in real life something might go wrong, it will go wrong on screen. And what goes wrong is actually kind of funny. There were a few moments where I got a few really good laughs. And that is why I do really like this film. Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds are both great, and also there is Betty White in a role, and she is great as always. The other actors, while I don’t know their names and they don’t stand out enough for me to research them, are very good. Also, the writer and director of the film are both very good. The film was just a good film. It made me happy. And after seeing romantic comedies so awful as Leap Year, this movie was sweet redemption. Sweet, sweet redemption.
8/10

Meet the Spartans (2008)

*sigh*. I saw Meet the Spartans, and it, like any other film baring the label-Friedberg/Seltzer, is awful. It is a painfully bad film. Is it as bad as Epic Movie? No. That’s difficult. I don’t know a lot of movies that are as bad as Epic Movie. And that’s good. But let’s stop talking about things that are good. This is a review of Meet the Spartans. And why is this film, while still terrible, is better than Epic Movie? For two reasons-The film mainly parodies 300, and since 85% of the film sticks to that parody, the film actually has a legitimate plot. It’s basically 300, but without the Zack Snyder slow-motion. The second reason is that there is one joke in the film where I actually laughed out loud, and I can recall it and laugh at it again. But other than that, no. Nothing else is funny in this movie. If you can even call it a movie. Because it stretches the word ‘movie’ beyond belief. It would be better off if it was a YouTube video. No. I’ve seen a thousand YouTube videos better than this. I really cannot compass in words how terrible this movie is. I can only sum it, and all the other Friedberg/Seltzer movies, like this-Have you ever seen Saw? Say there is a trap with two guys and a TV. The two guys have their ankles chained to the ground (like the first Saw), and the TV is playing Friedberg/Seltzer movies. The only way to escape is to cut your own foot off. If I was one of those two guys, within the first ten minutes of the first movie my foot would be off. Yes, these films are that terrible. So if you want a nice night with your friends, see something else. If you’re alone and will watch literally anything, watch something else. If you have the option of watching paint dry or see Meet the Spartans, pick the paint. Trust me. I am here to help you.
1/10

Taken (2009)

I’m sad to say that I didn’t enjoy this movie as much as so many people have. I felt it was extremely…average. It was just an average action film. It reminded me of Unstoppable, where the film just feels average, and I would be much happier with the film if my expectations were lower. And my expectations would be lower if every person I’ve talked to that’s seen the film didn’t love it like it was the best film of the year, but they did. And the film just isn’t great. At some moments, it doesn’t even feel good. It just feels meh. I’m going to tell you the plot of Taken, even though the film doesn’t care about it. The plot is that an ex-CIA agent’s (Liam Neeson) daughter is kidnapped in France, and he has to go get her. Yes, that is just about it. The rest of the film is just Liam Neeson fighting people. And while I am glad to see Liam Neeson in an action movie, I just wish he was in a good action movie. He is good in the role, but the role isn’t good back. There are moments where things are supposed to be tense, or emotional, and they’re just not. And that frustrated me a lot. I know a lot of people are going to give me hate for not liking this film as much as a lot of people did, but I don’t care. This movie just wasn’t as filling as it should be. It just felt underwhelming. And that really made me sad. Also, near the end of the film, there is one of the single most unsettling scenes I have seen in a while. And if you’ve seen the film, you will know what I mean. I’m not going to spoil it, because it is important to the climax. It’s not supposed to be upsetting (or maybe it is…), but I found that it was. Either way, due to the commercial success of the film, there are talks about making Taken II. Oh, boy.
5.5/10

Billy Madison (1995)

As I said in my review for a different (but superior) Adam Sandler movie The Wedding Singer, there are three types of Sandler films. Charming, funny, and terrible. Luckily for me, who was just about to have to sit through Meet the Spartans, the film falls into the ‘funny’ category. The film chronicles 24 weeks in the life of Billy Madison (Adam Sandler), an extremely dumb heir to a chain of hotels who, when he finds out his high school diploma was bought by his father, goes to re-attend all twelve years of school in 24 weeks, 2 weeks per grade. If he doesn’t accomplish this, the company goes to a very mean business worker, who plans to rule the company and trash Billy. The plot is simple but nice. I did enjoy it. I thought it was actually pretty funny. There were some jokes I the film where I actually got a few belly laughs, and that took me by surprise. But on the contradictory side, there were a few moments where I felt bad about laughing at this idiot be stupid. I know it’s a character, but Adam Sandler actually plays it well. I did just feel bad about laughing at this moron. But then I remembered that it was a comedy, and then I resumed laughing again. The film is actually pretty funny, and it has really inspired moments. This isn’t Just Go With It. This is funny. I really can’t say anything more about this film. That’s why this review is extremely redundant. I’m sorry. But in the end, this is a very good film. A great Friday night with the friends.
8/10

Mean Girls (2004)

I really enjoyed this film. I enjoyed it a lot. What’s great about Mean Girls is that it is a smart teen comedy first, and a teen chick comedy second. And not to say I don’t like a good flat-out teen chick comedy, it’s just that there are no good teen chick comedies that don’t have anything else going for it. Sixteen Candles was an honest movie about teenagers before being a teen chick comedy. Mean Girls, which I did find less serious than Sixteen Candles, is basically what would happen if someone let John Hughes and the writers of Arrested Development team up to make a movie, this is what would have happened. John Hughes, as I argue and always will argue, is the greatest teen film director of all time. Arrested Development I consider to be the best TV show that ever aired. I hope you’re catching my drift. Mean Girls is much better than it should be. It features Lindsay Lohan in her break-out role (before she went all…you know, I’m not gonna get into that here) as a girl named Cady who was previously homeschooled in Africa her entire life, until she is enrolled in high school. She immediately is well liked by many people, including the math teacher (one of the funniest women alive, who also wrote the film, Tina Fey) and two friends (Lizzy Caplan, who would later appear in one of the awesomest films ever made Cloverfield, and Daniel Franzese) who she teams up with to bring down The Plastics, a group of ‘queen bees’ at the school (Rachel McAdams, the leader, Amanda Seyfried, the dumb one, and Lacey Chabert, the third one). This is done by getting Cady to join with The Plastics, and then take them down from the inside. And from there are jokes, gags, and something kind of astonishing. Throughout the film, you see that everything has gone too far. And the film shows the consequences of these events that were minor actions in the beginning become disasters by the end. It turns out beautifully. It makes a statement about teenage life. And while I am not in high school nor am I a girl, I cannot vouch for the accuracy of it, but I can say that it is entertaining and a great time. It blends comedy and truthful drama brilliantly, and is just a great film. So if you look at films today and wonder what happened to the teen film, where are the John Hughes quality films of today, here it is.
8.5/10

Battle: Los Angeles (2011)

I’m not really sure if I like this film or if I don’t. It’s a difficult film to review. On one hand, it is a gigantic visual epic, not meant to be analyzed like other films. On the other hand, there are a lot of parts about it that are really terrible and can be better. The film begins with an amazing few seconds involving the alien attack on Los Angeles, and then the screen flashed some of the worst words any watcher of a mindless movie can see-24 minutes earlier. What proceeds for about twenty minutes is some of the single worst acting, writing, cinematography, directing, and editing I’ve seen in a good while. I really didn’t think I could sit through the movie if it kept this up. And then, after spending almost a half-hour with characters I had no sympathy for whatsoever, the aliens come, and the film kicks into high gear. Well, I really shouldn’t say that. As high a gear this film can go. The film, while it does look very impressive, is flawed beyond belief. The film isn’t written. It is a series of explosions, with horribly ad-libbed dialogue in between. Now, I know this isn’t true, but this is exactly what it looks like. And the actors are so awful it makes me want to vomit, which is sad because it is Aaron Eckhart, who was nothing short of amazing in The Dark Knight. This has to be a different actor. It has to be! Here, he is cardboard. No, wait. If a piece of cardboard was moving, and talking, and holding a gun, I might be more interested. I think that a movie with mutant cardboard would be kind of awesome. That’s just me. Also, the cinematography and directing are beyond terrible. Maybe, if the actors were directed well, they could be remotely believable. But no. And the cinematography? Wow. That is probably the hugest flaw of the film. It would make more sense if the film was listed as a ‘found-footage’ film, because the camera shakes all over the place, to the point of nausea. The cinematography is beyond painfully terrible. And the only reason they didn’t make is ‘found-footage’? Because then they couldn’t have the few calm wide shots that I can actually make sense of. Anyway, the movie is extremely dumb. It makes a Michael Bay film look like something that would be nominated for Best Picture. And Michael Bay films, while I do find them very enjoyable, are the epitome of dumb films. But this review isn’t about Michael Bay. It is about Battle: Los Angeles, which I can sum it up as this-The film version of one of those chocolate bunnies that is chocolate on the outside and hollow on the inside. It is all style, no substance. Is it enjoyable? Yes, it is. Is it remotely intelligent? Nope. And I usually defend dumb films, but here, the dumb brings down the film so much that it hurts. And that makes me sad…and nauseous.
4/10

The Others (2001)

It is hard to make a PG-13 rated horror film effective. Films that have done this before include The Last Exorcism, The Ring, The Sixth Sense, and Drag Me to Hell. The third film listed, M. Night Shaymalamadingdong’s The Sixth Sense, has a lot in common with The Others, a film that was released only two years earlier. Both of the films won the Saturn Award for Best Horror Film, as did all the horror films listed earlier, except for The Last Exorcism, which was nominated, but lost to the drama/horror Let Me In. Anyway, both The Sixth Sense and The Others have that sense of creepy, subtle, demonic rage that works so great and is scary, without having to load up on blood and gore. Anyway, The Others stars Nicole Kidman (in a Golden-Globe nominated role) as a woman in 1945 who begins to experience strange happenings in her house with her two kids and brand new housekeepers. The house is very low on light, as the kids are extremely photosensitive, and if they go out in the daytime, they will have allergic reactions, and basically die. These kids are the closest we’re gonna get to real-life vampires. Sorry, Twilight fans. Anyway, due to her childrens’ disease and her husband still being away in the war even though it is months after WWII ended, this woman has slowly gone from a prestigious British housewife to Crazy McNutjob. And Nicole Kidman is great. She is a great actress, and she pulls out all the chops for this film. You can see her lose her mind more than she already has. The other actors in the film aren’t terrible, they’re not even bad at all, they’re just overpowered by Kidman and the suspense the film brings. And the suspense is high, almost from the very beginning. As most people know, it’s hard to scare me. And this movie didn’t scare me. It was thrilling, and suspenseful, but it didn’t scare me. Well, neither did The Ring, so I guess it’s okay.
8.5/10

The Box (2009)

As I said in my review of Fanboys, there are just some films where I don’t agree with a lot of people on. And like Fanboys, I enjoyed this film when a lot of people didn’t. I actually liked it more than Fanboys. And I like Fanboys a lot. But these are two different movies, so I’ll get on with my review. The Box, based off of the short story Button, Button (which was made into an episode of the 80s revival of The Twilight Zone) by Richard Matheson (who wrote the novel I Am Legend), tells the story of a married couple, Norma and Arthur Lewis (James Marsden and Cameron Diaz who get a box in the mail with a little button on top of it. A man with a half-burnt-off face (Frank Langella) tells them that if they press the button, they will get one million dollars. But, someone in the world, who they do not know, will die. Norma presses the button on impulse, but immediately regrets her decision. Then, subtle strange things start to happen, and the film builds up suspense. The suspense kicks into high gear in a single moment. When the man takes the button back, he says to Norma-“The button will be reprogrammed, and then given to someone else, who you do not know.” Then crazy stuff starts to happen, and the film becomes a mental trip that you definitely have to pay attention to in order to understand. It twists everything up on you, and holds you in a suspense lock, never letting go. And when the film hits the ending…just…wow. It knocks you off your feet. It takes a direction you never thought it would take…its just amazing. But I do know how some people will not like the film, especially the ending. But an F on cinemascore? Dang…This film is just great, and it does not deserve the hate that is being thrown onto it. Tons of people will disagree with me on this, as seen by the many reviews I have read, and I don’t care. As the great Roger Ebert said in his review, “The film reminded me of Knowing, which I loved. Many readers hated Knowing, and many will hate The Box. What can I say? I’m not here to agree with you.” And us all as film critics, we’re not here to agree with people. And while I am one of those readers that hated Knowing, The Box is a nice little suspense thriller that blew me off my feet. You might hate it, but I sure did not. I loved it.
9/10

Green Lantern (2011)

“In actor’s day, in CGI night, no editor will make this movie terrible. May those who worship evil’s short length, beware my power, sequel’s LIGHT!” As a Green Lantern fan, I was going in expecting a lot more. I love the comic book Green Lantern, and the film doesn’t do the comics justice. Is that to say it’s a bad film? No, it isn’t. But if you are a Green Lantern fan and want to see the Green Lantern version of The Dark Knight, you’re not going to see it. If you are just a casual moviegoer and want some nice entertainment, Green Lantern is a perfect film for that reason. The movie has some bad and some good. The good begins with the actors, who do an amazing job with a less-than-stellar script. It’s not bad, it just isn’t glowing. And the direction is actually pretty impressive. And for the bad stuff, I’m gonna begin with the fact that the film is extremely short. It is too short for a superhero film. Also, the editing is pretty terrible. These people are professionals. They definitely got a shot of someone’s face if they were talking. But nope, they had to use the ‘behind their head’ shot…it just irritated me. And for the CG, it’s not bad, except for Hal’s mask…I just could not get over that awful mask. It looked like it was taken from Shrek’s skin. But as for the film in general, it’s pretty fun. It is pure entertainment. It isn’t filled with heart and soul like Super 8 or X-Men First Class, and that’s okay. It is just a mindless sound-and-light show, much like Transformers 2. And I enjoyed just about every single minute of it. The plot is taken directly from the comics, being that a cocky test pilot named Hal Jordan (Ryan Reynolds) is given a ring by a dying alien named Abin-Sur, and becomes a Green Lantern, one of many creatures from the universe who keep peace and justice. Among them are Tomar-Re, Kilowog, and Sinestro (Mark Strong), who Green Lantern fans know has a very detailed storyline, which begins in a post-credits scene that is crow bared in there, to the point that it is painful. When the credits start to roll, LEAVE THE THEATRE! Anyway, Hal has to fight Parallax, the entity of fear, who basically looks like a radioactive dust bunny from a sewer line. Also in the mix is Hector Hammond, a scientist who is possessed by Parallax, and Carol Ferris, Hal’s love intrest. All of these elements together fall into place to make something in between Spider-Man 2 and Spider-Man 3, in terms of quality. It’s fun, but not completely worth going to the theatre on a Friday night. But if you’ve already seen Super 8 and X-Men First Class and need something to do at 2 in the afternoon, there are much worse things you could do than see Green Lantern.
7.5/10

Leap Year (2010)

This is such a bad film. I just honestly wanted it to end. And I do like Amy Adams as an actress, I just hated her in this film. I don’t even know if this classifies as a comedy. There are about 3 attempts for jokes in the film, and none of them hit. I might like the film better if it was classified as just a flat-out romantic film, but I probably still wouldn’t like it. Amy Adams is cardboard in it, and it’s sad because I know she can be a great actress, like she was in Catch Me If You Can. As for the two other main characters, one of them (Adams’ character’s boyfriend) is not in the film AT ALL, he has about ten minutes of screen time, and as for the other character, the Irish man (Matthew Goode) who helps Adams’ character out, is nothing but a paper-thin stereotype. It is nothing but obvious he is not Irish. The small thread of a plot is that a woman (Amy Adams) wants her boyfriend to propose to her, but he doesn’t. She learns of this Irish tradition where on Leap Year, the woman can propose to the man. So while her boyfriend is on a business trip to Ireland, she goes to fly out to surprise him so she can propose to him. But her plane has to land miles away from where she is supposed to be, so she eventually ends up hiring a cab driver (Matthew Goode) to take her there. Most of the rest of the film plays out that way. Think Due Date or Planes, Trains, and Automobiles without the jokes and with romance. Not really that appealing, huh? Thought not. The movie just doesn’t even try. It is a lazy film made by lazy people who knew the film was going to make money. And they didn’t even cash in on a leap year! It was released in January 2010. The leap year before and after that were February 2008 and February 2012. Surely they could have waited. There’s no other purpose in the film to cash in, so why didn’t they wait so they could cash in more? So the film isn’t just lazy, it’s impatient. This is a lazy impatient film, and I know Amy Adams can do better.
2.5/10

The Rocker (2008)

I want you to listen to me, right here-this is not a bad movie. It is not a great movie, but it is not bad. Rainn Wilson, who you will probably know as Dwight Schrute from the U.S. version of The Office, is nothing but brilliant in this film. He pulls off a mediocre character and makes it much better than it was written. Also in the cast are Emma Stone, who is now in films such as Easy A and Zombieland, Teddy Geiger, who is more of a musician than an actor, Christina Applegate, who has been in a LOT of movies, and Josh Gad, who is slowly working up through television, and all these people are great. The film begins in the 1980s, where rock band Vesuvius is playing. They are offered a record deal that would make them huge, but one catch-they have to kick their drummer out of the band, and replace him. The band is played by Fred Armisen, Bradley Cooper, Will Arnett, and Rainn Wilson as the drummer in mention, known as Fish. Well, the band sells out, and Fish is out of the picture. Cut to present day, Fish is living in his sister’s (Jane Lynch) house, with her husband (Jeff Garlin) and son (Josh Gad), and Vesuvius is the biggest band in the world (think Vesuvius as The Beatles and Fish as Pete Best). Sorry Fish. Anyway, his nephew’s band is playing prom, and they just lost their drummer. So they ask Fish to help them out for one gig…and he sticks. And the band goes big, and starts to get involved with the big-shot world of producers (Jason Sudekis), psycho fans, and opening for the biggest band in the world, Vesuvius. The film portrays the internal conflict of Fish in such a comedic way, that there aren’t any moments in the film where you’re not smiling. I’ve heard this film get compared to the 2003 film School of Rock more than once, and I can understand why. But while tone of people loved School of Rock, I just thought it was kind of mediocre. I laughed more and had a better time in The Rocker. Call me crazy, but that’s just me.
8/10

Zoolander (2001)

If there was a school called “The Derek Zoolander Center for Kids Who Can’t Read Good and Who Want to do Other Stuff Good Too”, I would probably go. I just love that name. And I do love this movie. It is a very clever and entertaining film, and I just love it. Like it or not, Ben Stiller has had a pretty successful decade in the 2000s. He made Dodgeball, Meet the Parents, Tropic Thunder, Meet the Fockers, Along Came Polly, Anchorman, Megamind, Madagascar and Madagascar 2, Little Fockers, Night at the Museum and Night at the Museum 2. Whether or not you like these films (some of them I certainly don’t), they are very successful. And I really do like this film. Ben Stiller is a good actor, producer, writer, and director, but when he is being tied down by a studio, he falters and can’t deliver any comedy. Ben Stiller, when he knows that there are expectations behind him, he clams up and loses his comedic ability *cough*Little Fockers*cough*. But when he gets to run free, and the studio isn’t breathing down his neck, he gives off some of the best comedy I have seen in the 21st century. And Zoolander is one of those films where he isn’t restrained, and his full comedic potential is released. The plot concerns male model Derek Zoolander (Ben Stiller), who just lost the ‘VH1 Male Model of the Year Award’ to Hansel (Owen Wilson), after three years of winning, and then he loses his magic. His rebound is a modeling job from designer Mugatu (Will Ferrell) who plans to brainwash Zoolander to make him assassinate the prime minister of Malaysia. The plot gets thicker, but I really am not in the mood to explain it, and it really doesn’t matter. But the film is just hilarious, front-to-back. This is on the same scale, if not funnier than, Meet the Parents and Dodgeball. It is just a solid Friday-night comedy centered around the dumbest man to come along since Jim Carrey made Dumb and Dumber.
8.5/10

Epic Movie (2007)

This movie is painfully awful. Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer…wow…they need to never work in Hollywood again. But wait, this was made in 2007. And since then, there has been Meet The Spartans, Disaster Movie, and Vampires Suck. And before, there was Date Movie. None of these movies have scored more than 6% on Rotten Tomatoes. I’m just hoping for the day that they give up and quit. The thought puts a smile on my face. The film has the tagline of-‘From 2 of the 6 writers of Scary Movie.’ And the Scary Movie films are hit-or-miss affairs. I’m pretty sure Friedberg and Seltzer are the two who write most of the ‘miss’ jokes, as this film is filled with them. If I remember correctly, I think I chuckled once or twice during this film. It is just so excruciatingly bad. I wanted to go up to Friedberg and Seltzer and spit in their faces. The film is just a bad parody of every movie that was popular in 2007. To quote the great Korey Coleman from Spill.com-“Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, I want their heads on my table tomorrow morning, severed at the neck!” And he is nothing but right. This movie is the biggest train wreck of 2007. There is no plot. There’s Narnia…and Harry Potter…and Willy Wonka…and…wow… I said that Juno was the best film of 2007, and it is. You want the other end of the spectrum? Epic Movie. It is one of the biggest messes I have ever seen. Nothing is right about the film. Honestly, it is a disgrace. It doesn’t even deserve to be in the same genre as movies like Monty Python and the Holy Grail and Airplane! It is a monstrosity…just…gah! I want to punch the film in the face. And you know what I have to go do tomorrow? I have to pick up another one. I am going to review these terrible films, all of them. And then I will be done, watch Amadeus, and then have faith in cinema again. I have seen better films released straight-to-DVD! AHH! DAVEY ANGRY!
0.5/10

Fanboys (2009)

About once or twice every year or so, there is a film that comes along where I am completely on the opposite opinion of most other film critics out there. 2011 had Rango, which so many people loved but I thought it was a soulless cash machine. 2010 featured Catfish, Megamind, and Unstoppable, three critical hits, all of which I thought were extremely mediocre. And 2009 has Paranormal Activity (which so many people loved but I consider it one of the worst films of the year), and Fanboys. So many other critics have bagged on this film, and I really enjoyed the heck out of it. Keep in mind that I am a Star Wars fan. Not an insanely huge fan, but a fan none the less. I could answer most of the trivia, and understand most of the gags. There are some moments in the film which played with the characters and pop culture so well that I laughed out loud and were genuinely happy, which is difficult for a film to accomplish. The film follows four Star Wars fans in 1998. One of them has cancer, and is going to die in three to four months. The only problem is, Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace, arguably the single most anticipated (and disappointing) movie of the late 1990s, is being released in six months. So these people go on a road trip to steal the rough cut. The four dorks are played brilliantly by Sam Huntington (who plays Josh on the American remake of British series Being Human), Jay Baruchel (who is a very prominent rising actor in Hollywood right now), Chris Marquette, and Dan Folger. Also coming along the way is their mutual friend, played by Kristen Bell, also brilliantly. And it features Carrie Fisher, Danny McBride, Billy Dee Williams, Seth Rogen, and William Shatner. And if you can’t fully identify at least one of these people, you probably don’t belong watching this film. This is a film for geek culture. And I am a geek. The film knows what it is like to be a dork, and feels for its characters. And that is what makes the film work. It’s heart is in the right place, and it genuinely made me laugh. So grab your lightsabers, your buddies, and your Darth Vader helmet and geek out with Fanboys.
9/10

Standing Ovation (2010)

As of me writing this review, I have been alive and watching movies for thirteen years. And Standing Ovation might just be one of the worst. It definitely cracks the top ten. It is so undeniably inept and stupid it makes me want to claw my eyes out and eat them rather than watch this atrocity again. In 99.99% of films I see, even if I don’t like them, I will find something good about it. Not here. The entire hour and forty-six minutes I was angry. I wanted a physical form of the film so I could beat it and punish it for its wrongdoings. Nothing is even remotely right with this film. It is supposedly written and directed by Stewart Rafill, who worked on such bombshells as Mac & Me and Mannequin Two: On the Move. I do not believe that any normal functioning adult could, much less be allowed to write a script this terrible. The dialogue is flat, the songs are boring, the camerawork is awful, the actors are atrocious, the characters all come from stereotype city, and there isn’t a moment in the film that isn’t clichéd up to the brim. The idea is that these kids are in a singing competition…and I don’t care. I could have AND HAVE written a better script. And I am thirteen years old. I am not boasting at all. See this film and you will see that it is impossible to write a worse script. I originally saw Standing Ovation because I had heard from C. Robert Cargill (or Carlyle for us Spill.com fans) that it was the worst movie of the year. He was right. And I have yet to see The Last Airbender, but a film cannot be worse than this mess was. Everyone that was involved with this film, especially the actors (I’m usually easy on child actors, but this is inexcusably terrible) should change their names, and never work in cinema again. And everybody that posted a five/five star review on iTunes should take their idiot kids and idiot friends and go see Care Bears, because you will obviously eat whatever is on your plate. I am being cynical, and mean, and in almost any other movie, I will apologize. Not here. I am so mad at this movie and all the people who made this movie possible. I am mad at the actors, the ‘writer’, the producers, the fans, everyone. They need to all bury their faces in their hands and admit that their friends were in this awful film and were just trying to help them out. SHUT UP!!!!!!! STOP TRYING TO TRICK PEOPLE!!!!!! THIS MOVIE IS THE WORST MOVIE OF THE PAST TEN YEARS!!!!!!! I want to hit this film. I want to hit it in the face. And if I make my review any longer, my head will explode from anger. So, here it is. Over 500 words of me bashing on the worst film ever made in recent memory. If you want to watch it…don’t say you weren’t warned.
0/10

Just Go With It (2011)

I’m kind of unsure about my opinions on this film. I want to like it and hate it at the same time. And I do like it and hate it at the same time. A lot of gags fall flat or are just downright mean, stale, or boring. Actually, most of the gags are like that. There were a few gags that I chuckled at, and only one that I actually laughed at, and it was kind of childish. But the good moments in the film are not the gags. It is the charm that the two main characters share. These two are Adam Sandler and Jennifer Aniston, both of whom have had some clunkers in their life, but are good performers, and do their best to show it here. Sadly, they’re not given much comedy to work with. And since this is a romantic comedy, they only have the romance to work with. And they are not bad. Aniston is going back to her Friends roots, and Sandler going back to Wedding Singer, both of which they were great romantic leads. The rest of the cast and characters are made for cheap laughs. The basic story is that a man named Danny (Adam Sandler) uses a wedding ring from a wedding he walked out on twenty years ago because his fiancée was cheating on him to pick up women. He, however, doesn’t use this tactic on a schoolteacher named Palmer (model Brooklyn Decker, who cannot act) and she finds the ring. Instead of telling Palmer the truth, Danny makes up a lie that he is getting a divorce. And his fake ex-wife? His divorced assistant Katherine (Jennifer Aniston). And then more people get involved, including Danny’s cousin, Katherine’s kids, ect. I don’t really need to tell you how the film is going to end. If you’ve seen a romantic comedy before, you’ve seen this. Girls will eat it up, their dates will groan and fall asleep. They’ll probably wake up when they see Brooklyn Decker in a bikini, but other than that, we guys have no reason to see this film. But granted, the film is not as bad as people say. There are some inspired moments of charm, but that’s not going to help the dragged-along boyfriend. Just Go With It is not great, not even good at some times, but it isn’t terrible either. You just have to go with it.
5.5/10

Killers (2010)

There are four types of bad movies: movies that just leave a sour taste in your mouth, movies that are disappointingly bad, movies that are so bad they’re good, and movies that are painful to watch. The two types of movies I hate the most are disappointments and train wrecks, the second and fourth ones mentioned. And while Killers is a bad film, by any definition of the word, it is one of those sour movies. And it gets really sour when you see moments that are actually pretty fun. But still not enough to be disappointed. The film’s plot is decent, if unoriginal. Honestly, at the very core stages of development, this probably sounded like a really good idea. I’m pretty sure the pitch went like this-“Hey, I’ve got a good idea. We have a James Bond character, but he’s married and not a spy anymore. And his wife doesn’t know, but when people start to come kill him, the two have to go on the run.” “That actually sounds pretty good! Who do you have in mind to play the married couple?” “Katherine Heigl and Ashton Kutcher.” “Oh, boy.” And so that’s the plot. James Bond got married. And James Bond is Ashton Kutcher, who couldn’t play a convincing role to save his life. And Katherine Heigl is no better. These are two of the prettiest and least talented actors out there right now. And they keep getting work. And that is what is wrong with Hollywood, and it does make me very sad. And that creates the fact that the only good scenes in the movie are the action scenes where the actors didn’t want to get damaged, so they used stunt doubles. Those doubles can act better than their counterparts. And yes, the action in the film is actually played pretty well. It is well directed, well shot, well scored, and just a lot of fun. Then they try to throw in comedy, or drama, or character development, and it just all falls flat. It just falls flat on its face. It is so bad. Sure the action is good, but it’s no reason to rent it. I’m glad I borrowed it from a friend, because if I had paid for it, I would be really mad. And I’m not really mad at the movie. I’m just writing my review really quickly so I can forget the film entirely.
3/10

*batteries not included (1987)

And yes, the non-capitalization of the name is intentional. I am solely following what the film says. And I will respect that. Mostly because the title stylization is the most original thing about this film. *batteries not included is a very dumb film. It takes the audience for granted, attempting to give off this idea that we are to believe that a species of very small robotic aliens (cough cough Transformers) who come down solely to help these people whose apartment building is in threat of being torn down (cough cough done a billion times). This theory is backed up by the aliens needing to feed on electricity, which starts to make sense, until you realize that the aliens are made from electricity, basically. THEY’RE ROBOTS! There are a million other problems with the story, but it would just pain me to reflect back on this film. The worst part of the film is that it was produced by STEVEN SPIELBERG! He was obviously not very involved with the film. This is not Poltergeist producing, this is, for lack of a better reference, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen producing. I can see that he didn’t have a lot to do with the film. There are some moments in *batteries not included that are kind of charming and sweet, but are definitely not enough to redeem the film. The comedy is sad and worn out, and the attempts for drama aren’t serious enough. It is a bad film, but not a bad film like Plan 9 From Outer Space bad, more like Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 bad (no, *batteries not included isn’t that bad, but again, lacking for a better reference). *intelligence not included.
4.5/10

Dinner for Schmucks (2010)

How a person’s opinion on this film varies greatly based solely off of your expectations going in. If you think-“Hey, a comedy with Paul Rudd, Steve Carell, Zach Galifianakis, and directed by the guy who directed the very funny Meet the Parents, and Austin Powers series, Jay Roach. We should see that! It’ll be a laugh-fest all the way through!” you WILL be disappointed. Dinner for Schmucks does not at all live up to its talent, (even though Galifianakis is not in the film a lot) but it is still a decently funny movie. You have to lower your expectations just a little bit, and you should be fine. The film’s plot is very slim. ‘Suspended disbelief’ is the official term I think. What is a plot is that a man names Tim (Paul Rudd) wants a higher job at his company, and in order to win over his boss, he needs to win the ‘dinner for idiots’, a cruel competition he throws to find the biggest idiot. Finally agreeing to his boss’ cruel game, Tim finds Barry (Steve Carell), a man who recreates famous moments from dead mice. Barry’s and Tim’s lives both have a good bit of drama, which adds some soul to the film, which is constantly filled with jokes. And the jokes really aren’t that bad. It’s just that it is a series of jokes, not a movie. Dinner for Schmucks is the film equivalent of Failblog, watching dumb people do dumb things. But granted, I like Failblog. And I like this movie. But I could have liked it more.
7.5/10

The Last Exorcism (2010)

This movie is possibly the best horror film of 2010. And as many of my friends know, that’s high praise. I love horror films, and it is extremely hard to scare me without the cheap jump scares. Most films that scare most of my friends have never scared me. Two of my most referenced examples of this are The Ring and Paranormal Activity, neither of which scared me. I still did like The Ring, and if you’ve ever had a conversation with me about movies, you’ll know how much I hate Paranormal Activity. And that is one of the reasons I was concerned with seeing The Last Exorcism. Like Paranormal Activity (and the exceptional Cloverfield), it is filmed in a pseudo-documentary stance, or easier known as the ‘found footage’ genre. The film’s plot contains a preacher/exorcist who knows that exorcisms are frauds, and so he brings along two documentarians to film his scam, in order to explain the truth to the world. The first half-hour or so of this film is extremely slow, and it wouldn’t have worked without the characters that the film did have. The characters actually have real emotions, unlike most of the films in this sub-genre. And then, there is another half-hour where things start to pick up a little bit, but doesn’t have as strong of characters, relying on the scares that aren’t there. This is downright the slowest part of the film. And then, the scares come in plenty. The documentary trio goes to a farm where a man’s daughter seems to be possessed by the devil. The movie’s great trick is that you really don’t know if the girl is possessed or if she’s traumatized or crazy (both sides of the argument are helped throughout more information being revealed in the film, and I will not spoil any of them), and this keeps up even at the end of the film, which is a shocker. Like Cloverfield, there is an ending that doesn’t leave you many answers, but is just perfect enough. The ending left me in awe of the entire film. And that is what a horror film should do. It should have a slow buildup, then get really scary, and leave you speechless at the end. The Last Exorcism is the most perfect horror film, or horror story, in a while (and no, Let the Right One In/Let Me In is not a horror story. It is a supernatural drama). But yeah. The film is very disturbing, and probably should not have been rated PG-13. Anyone that really takes religion extremely serious (and I am a Christian, but suspension of disbelief is important in film) will get extremely offended. Child activist groups, families, fathers, mothers, mostly all people will be offended. Even I was offended a little bit by the film, and I do not get offended easily. This is not a ‘family’ horror film, despite the PG-13 rating. A good ‘family’ horror film is Poltergeist. Rent that. But if you can accept the difference between fiction and reality, and want to get REALLY scared, pick up The Last Exorcism. It is just about the scariest movie of the year.
9/10

True Grit (2010)

I love this movie. And I am a mutual fan of westerns, I don’t love them and I don’t hate them. If a film is done good, I will like it, no matter what the genre is. And vice versa. And this film is done good. Extremely good. This is probably the hardest review I have ever had to write so far. Because my opinions of the film really does not translate well to words. To say the least, there is not a weak link in the film. Jeff Bridges does great as he does in every single movie, and while I really didn’t think his performance was Best Actor nomination worthy, he did do a very good job. Matt Damon and Josh Brolin really are not in the film, Brolin is absent for almost the entire thing. And Damon doesn’t really do anything special for the film. He was just a character. But the shining light of the cast is Hailee Steinfeld as Maddie Ross. I’m betting my money on the fact that you’ve never heard of Hailee Steinfeld, as this is her first acting credit (solely according to flixter). And after seeing this movie, I hope she gets more work. She was nominated for the Academy Award for Best Supporting Actress, and while I have not seen The Fighter (the movie for which Melissa Leo won the award), I am pretty sure that Hailee should have won. She was amazing. There are a lot of really bad kid actors out there, and Hailee is on the same level as Chlöe Grace Moretz, Kodi Smit-McPhee, in addition to Elle Fanning, Joel Courtney and the rest of the kids from Super 8. These are the best child actors out there. And as a child actor (definitely not as good as any of the ones I just listed), I really appreciate good child acting when I see it. She brings a sense of sophistication to the film. And the film is extremely sophisticated. As most of you know, it is a remake of the 1969 film True Grit, which John Wayne won his only Oscar for Best Actor. I haven’t seen the original yet, but I will now. The plot is that a young girl’s (Steinfeld) father has been murdered by a man (Brolin) and she wants revenge. She finds two men (Bridges and Damon) to help her take him down. The film is directed and written by the brilliant Coen Brothers, and almost everything they do is amazing. This film is no exception. It is possibly one of the fastest two hours in my movie going life. When I finally make my Best & Worst of 2010 list, True Grit is definitely going to be in the ‘Best’ line.
9.5/10

Super 8 (2011)

Something just struck me with this film. I was born in 1998, so I have no personal ties to the year 1979, in which the film is set. Ah, 1979. It was a year before John Lennon was shot, and nine years after his band (The Beatles. If you didn’t know that…then…gah…) broke up. Kramer vs. Kramer won Best Picture at the Oscars, and Star Wars was still a respectable name (you ruined it, Jar-Jar). And apparently, an alien came and attacked a town in Ohio. Super 8, directed by the great J.J. Abrams (who directed the Star Trek reboot), and produced by the great Steven Spielberg (please don’t make me explain Steven Spielberg to you), is a blast through and through. Almost the entire cast is made up of unknown children, where they have lead roles, despite this being their first acting credit. The exception to this is one of my favorite child actors out there, Elle Fanning, who is making a name for herself outside of her sister’s shadow (Dakota, just for you people who didn’t know. Dakota Fanning). Elle was in Phoebe in Wonderland, which I thought was beautifully dark and twisted, and she was in Somewhere, which I have not seen yet. Either way, she’s really good and I think she’s better than her sister. Lots of people will disagree with me on that. Other than her and the crew, there really are no recognizable names for the film. The not-so-recognizable names are Joel Courtney, who brilliantly plays the lead, Riley Griffiths as the best friend movie nerd, and Ryan Lee as the crazy pyromaniac expert. All of the kids do an amazing job in the film. The film has no weak link. But all of the strong performances are by actors that nobody knows, which will make it a hard sell. Well, that, and the fact that it is a film about children rated PG-13. And it is one of the heaviest PG-13s I have seen in a while. It was on the verge of an R. And that just goes to show you, with this and Saving Private Ryan, the name Steven Spielberg is mind control over the MPAA. And I am fine with that. The plot of the film cannot really be said without spoiling it. I saw Cloverfield two years after it came out, and I knew everything about it. This film is what Cloverfield was marketing-wise. You need to go in knowing nothing. It’s still a good film with knowing, looking back, but it is much better going in with an empty mind. Basically, a bunch of kids are making a movie on a Super 8 mm camera (where the film gets the name), where they see a train crash. Then crazy stuff keeps happening over town. That is all I am going to say about the plot of Super 8. The film is going to be a hard sell. It has kids in it, kids that would normally see movies with kids in it are too young to see this, and adults will view it as a kiddy film. It is not. It is a powerful blast of a film. It has science fiction, horror, comedy, romance, everything. A good film takes fantasy and reality and walks them hand in hand. A great film takes the two and intertwines them. A perfect film takes the two and pours them together, to the point where you don’t know which is which. Super 8 is definitely the last one. I recommend that you see this film as soon as you are done reading this. It is the best film of the year.
9.5/10

X-Men: First Class (2011)

Let me take you through the X-Men film timeline. X-Men came out in 2000, and revived superhero films. X2: United came out in 2003, and was a slower but still enjoyable sequel. X-Men: The Last Stand came out in 2006, and I am still one of the defenders of it today. It is an action packed finish to a great trilogy. And then there was Wolverine. X-Men Origins: Wolverine was one of the biggest abominations of 2009, not because it was just terrible, it’s because it’s so terrible compared to the other films. And now you can see why I was nervous about seeing X-Men: First Class. But I was blown away. The films before it had been obvious that it was a comic book movie. This was a film about two people who were friends and their friendship was strained. And it just happened to have superheroes in it. The film doesn’t follow the action movie rule of three, and I didn’t mind. There are two action scenes in the film. One is short, simple, and not that great, and the other is spectacular, long, and fun. The film stars James McAvoy as a younger Charles Xavier as he begins to form the X-Men with pal Magneto (Michael Fassbender). But if you’ve seen the other X-Men films, they’re not pals for long. I could tell you the others in the film (January Jones, Kevin Bacon, and Jennifer Lawrence), but this movie isn’t about them. It is about Xavier and Magneto. And that’s what makes it work. This movie isn’t just the best X-Men film, or one of the best superhero films, it is one of the best films of the year (so far).
8.5/10

Shaun of the Dead (2004)

There are two directors; both of them are British, and I trust them completely, to the point that no matter what they do, I will watch it. These two directors are Duncan Jones and Edgar Wright. Neither of them has made anything bad. Duncan Jones made Moon and Source Code, both of which rock. But this review is about an Edgar Wright movie, so I’ll talk about him. Before he made Shaun of the Dead, Edgar Wright directed Spaced, which is one of the best series I have ever seen, along the lines of Community and Arrested Development. After, he made Hot Fuzz, the second third of the Blood and Ice Cream Trilogy, a series of films directed by Edgar Wright and starring Simon Pegg and Nick Frost. The third film has not been scripted yet, and during the gap, Edgar Wright directed my favorite film of all time, Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World. Shaun of the Dead stars Simon Pegg as a slacker named Shaun who just broke up with his girlfriend Liz (Kate Ashfield) and has a slacker best friend and roommate Ed (Nick Frost). Shaun’s life is not that great. And just when you hit rock bottom, someone hands you a shovel…to hit a zombie in the face with. The zombie apocalypse has just hit Britain, and Shaun wants to live. Also, there is a small cameo from the main actress from Spaced, which also starred Pegg and Frost, Jessica Stevenson (or Jessica Hynes, her official name now. I was just using her name before she was married which was after the filming of the movie). From the advertisements, the creative team, and everything I’ve heard, I went into Shaun of the Dead expecting a full-on zombie comedy, in the tone of Zombieland. And for the first half of the film, I got that. And when the climax started to form, the film became a LOT heavier than it was supposed to. It started to feel like one of the George A. Romero greats that the film was supposedly parodying. It was emotional, and dealt with character deterioration. I’m going to try to say this without spoilers, but it’s kind of hard, so be warned…the end to some of these characters was really sad, and felt like a great zombie movie like Night of the Living Dead, but it just didn’t belong in a British zombie comedy. The film works, and I do love it to death, but it is a lot heavier than you would think.
9/10

Westworld (1973)

There are a lot of really good classic films out there, and I am working on catching up on sci-fi classics. I had already seen Tron, and Logan’s Run, The Day the Earth Stood Still and Planet of the Apes are on my agenda. The film to bridge the gap was Westworld, a film that could have only had birth in the later years of the b-movie age. The film, written and directed by popular novelist Michael Crichton, is insanely campy, silly, and very fun. The plot pertains to two guys (Richard Benjamin and James Brolin) who attend a theme park that recreates three different time periods, creating Westworld, Romanworld, and Midevalworld. The tourists go to Westworld, where they live life in a western recreation with robots that can be shot and used for one’s personal gain. And our two heroes keep running into a certain robot (Yul Brenner) that, when a virus goes out and starts to make the robots homicidal and stop following orders, becomes their arch-enemy and starts to follow them, attempting to finish them off. That is basically the plot of Westworld. The first half of the film is quite slow, and not really that powerful or imaginative. There seemed that there could be much more in that first half. The second half, however, was very action packed as soon as the virus started to kick in. It is a very well-executed science fiction western, pulse-pounding and fun all the way. It is the epitome of a 70s science fiction. It is fun, silly, and definitely a guilty pleasure. Quite fun.
8.5/10

Tron (1982)

The sad thing is that I saw Tron when I was five years old. Then, seven years later, I saw Tron: Legacy in theaters without seeing the original again. And thank God for Blu-ray re-mastered films. I finally got to re-watch Tron, after seeing the sequel. That’s a shame, because I knew what was going to happen to the characters, what fates would go to the actors’ respective roles. But even then, I was still captivated. I felt the exact same as I did during 127 Hours, where I paid full attention despite having perfect knowledge of the ending. And that takes a very good film. And yes, Tron is a very good film, much superior to its sequel, which features much more eye candy than brain. Tron does feature a lot of eye candy, it being at the top of the special effects kingdom at the time, but it also has a huge amount of brain candy. It is a smart, fun, and brilliant film, miles ahead of its time. The only reason it didn’t win the Saturn Award for Best Science Fiction film was because E. T. The Extra-Terrestrial was released that year, and the only reason it didn’t win the Academy Award for Best Special Effects was because the Academy was a bunch of snobs and said that they cheated by using computers. Those snobs. The film stars Jeff “The Dude” Bridges as Kevin Flynn, a computer hacker who believes that the company he used to work for, ENCOM, stole his video game ideas. He decides to break into ENCOM’s building, and as he is about to get the information he needs to prove his claims, he gets zapped by a brand-new laser that is in programming, which blasts an object and transports it into the computer. Kevin is transported into the computer where he finds a digital world where programs fight, depending on which ones believe in the users (us humans in real world here) and which ones don’t. So Kevin leads a group, which features Tron, a program written and looking like Kevin’s former co-worker Alan Bradley (Bruce Boxleinter). These two, and others, go on a quest to destroy the Master Control Program, which is making life in the computer horrible. A good portion of the film takes place inside the computer, which has some effects that, as I said, were groundbreaking at the time. If you gave me 1.7 million dollars exactly (1/10 of the film’s budget) I could make it in this modern day and age. The effects, if viewed cynically and in comparison with today’s films, they would be terrible. But this was 1982, and if you are to enjoy the film, you need to remember that. It is 1982. The year we got such hits as E. T. and Poltergeist. Tron just adds another film to the list of hits.
9/10

Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World (2010)

It has taken me a while to write my review of Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World, which is possibly the greatest movie of all time. There is nothing wrong with this film. As of writing this review, I have seen the film 13 times. The film was released on August 13th, 2010. I saw the midnight screening, and was astounded. I recommended the film to everybody I knew. But sadly, the film flopped at the box office and fell into obscurity. And what baffles me is that golden gems like Scott Pilgrim disappear, while train wrecks like Little Fockers have #1 at the box office for three consecutive weeks. And Scott Pilgrim is a gem. It is based off of a Canadian graphic novel series (Scott Pilgrim’s Precious Little Life; Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World; Scott Pilgrim and the Infinite Sadness; Scott Pilgrim Gets It Together; Scott Pilgrim Vs. The Universe; and Scott Pilgrim’s Finest Hour. I own all six of these books) written by Bryan Lee O’Malley. The books have been critically lauded as one of the best graphic novels of the 21st century. And what makes the movie work is that it is a color (the books are black-and-white) live-action moving version of the comics, with little bits added and taken out, but nothing of much harm. The things that were taken out were taken out for a reason. And the things that were added were added for a reason. So if you are going to complain about changes SHUT UP! Nobody wants to listen to you whine. The film is directed by Edgar Wright, who previously directed the first two installments of the Blood and Ice Cream Trilogy of British films (the third film doesn’t even have a title yet), Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz. He also directed the very funny British series Spaced, which is basically a British Community. All three of these star Simon Pegg and Nick Frost, and Scott Pilgrim is Edgar Wright’s first major production that I know of not starring them. The film stars Michael Cera (of Juno, Superbad, and Arrested Development fame) as Scott Pilgrim, a 23-year-old slacker from Toronto Canada who is living with his ‘cool gay roommate’ Wallace Wells (Kieran Culkin; Igby Goes Down), is dating 17-year-old Chinese schoolgirl Knives Chau (Ellen Wong) and is in a band with high school friends Steven Stills (Mark Webber), the lead singer and guitarist, Scott’s high school girlfriend Kim Pine (Allison Pill; Milk) on drums, and their mutual friend Neil Nordegraph (Johnny Simmons; Hotel For Dogs, Jennifer’s Body, and Evan Almighty) as an equipment hauler and groupie. Scott’s life gets thrown for a loop when he meets Ramona Flowers (Mary Elizabeth Winstead; Final Destination 3, Make It Happen, Sky High), an American delivery girl who Scott ultimately falls for, breaking up with Knives almost immediately (almost. Scott tends to forget things. He creates some relationship problems, all being hounded by Scott’s sister Stacey (Anna Kendrick; Twilight, Up in the Air)). As Scott and Ramona’s relationship continues, Scott finds out that Ramona has seven evil exes, played by Sahata Bahaba as Matthew Patel, a mystical fighter who can summon demon hipster chicks at will, Chris Evans (Fantastic Four, Push, The Losers) as Lucas Lee, a skater-turned actor, Brandon Routh (Superman Returns, Dylan Dog: Dead of Night) as Todd Ingram, a vegan psychic who is dating Scott’s ex Envy Adams (Brie Larson; Hoot), Mae Whitman (Arrested Development) as Roxy Richer, Ramona’s ex-girlfriend (um…yeah) and a half-ninja, Shota and Keita Saito as Kyle and Ken Katayanagi, two Japanese DJs, and Jason Schwartzman (Rushmore, I ♥ Huckabees, The Darjeeling Limited) as a villainous music tycoon, and the creator of the League of Evil Exes, Gideon Gordon Graves. And since I have spent about 600 words on the plot and cast of the film, I will actually start talking about how amazing it is. I am a dork, and this film is possibly the dorkiest film of the last 20 years. It has cult film written all over it. It is perfect. There are no faults. The cast, direction, writing, effects, and soundtrack is all perfect. It is the film that one out of every fifty will love, but they will LOVE it and watch it multiple times, and recommend it to every single person they see. It is the Donnie Darko of the 2010s. I said earlier, I have seen it 13 times. That’s probably more times than Michael Cera has seen it.
10/10

Definitely, Maybe (2008)

Have you ever had a moment, where you just said-‘Why not?’ I had that moment. I was at the library, renting The Beatles’ album Let it Be, Say Anything…, and War of the Worlds when I saw the DVD of Definitely, Maybe and had a ‘Why not?’ moment. I am a Ryan Reynolds fan, and I am also a huge fan of Abigal Breslin, Isla Fisher, and Elizabeth Banks, so I picked the film up. This film is listed as a romantic comedy, and I never got that vibe from the film. It is a romance film, but it is a very sad film. The film has a very unique premise, being that Ryan Reynolds’ character Will Hayes is a man who is getting a divorce. His daughter Maya, played by Abigal Breslin, after her first sex-ed class (where the aftermath of that is some of the only funny dialogue in the film) asks Will to tell her the full story of how he and her mom met. So Will decides to change the name of his three serious girlfriends in the story, as one will end up to be Maya’s mother. Most of the rest of the film plays out in long flashbacks, which create the mystery for Maya that also is a mystery for the audience. I don’t know about other people that have seen the film, but I was spending the film trying to figure out the mystery. I am almost 100% sure this is what the filmmakers wanted, and they followed up. Also, the film is very emotional. There is a moment where Maya is reassured there is a happy ending to the story, but she doesn’t believe it at all. She starts to realize that this story is going to end sadly, being that whoever her mother is will just divorce Will in the present day. I actually started to tear up a little bit in the scene. There are other parts in the film that are actually pretty sad. This is a romantic drama film. And while I did enjoy it a lot, there are a few problems with the film. The scene that I mentioned earlier is never followed up in the film, switching from heavy drama right back to light romance at the tip of a hat. And as seen in my review of Thor, switching tones abruptly annoys the heck out of me. The film also has some moments, that just don’t work. I can’t put this feeling into words, but if you see the film, you will know what I mean. And despite the faults, Definitely, Maybe is a fun, inventive romantic drama that is very well worth your time.
8/10